Positive Day

From Past Hurt To Open Heart: Lessons On Letting Go, Growth, And Honest Self-Talk

• Daniel Malcolm

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We share a raw reflection from a morning run by the water on why “this is who I am” can become a shield that blocks love, growth, and peace. We break down how to let go of old stories, choose “I want,” and practise honest self-talk that opens real connection.

• using the past as a lesson, not an identity
• the cost of walls in love and friendship
• honesty with yourself as the path to peace
• replacing “I don’t want” with “I want”
• adaptability and perspective in conflict
• teaching others how to love you with clarity
• grief as process without becoming a persona
• daily self-talk and belief shaping behaviour


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Sending you a big wave of love and positive vibes!

DANIEL MALCOLM
POSITIVE DAY

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SPEAKER_00:

Hello everyone, today I am out on my mountain run and I just took a moment next to the beach just to share something that has been on my mind for the past week. Just talking to people, my friends, my co-workers, just people around me. I was watching a movie last night, and even the movie was talking about that. And it's people always say something about this is who I am. This is what I am. I grew up like this. This is how I grew up. This is the kind of person I am. My past that make me the person I am today. And this is who I am. And every time you bring something up, you uh something to change their lives. And something I realize is if you're thinking that is how you are, if you're thinking that's how you grow up, this is your what makes you, this is your past, your past, you're protecting yourself from past hurt, past injury, past abuse, past disappointment, past heartbreak, past things of your past. You keep on saying your past that makes you who you are, and you're not changing. It's they don't come out and say, I don't want to change, but this is who I am, this is what what I am, this is how I grew up, and and I and I'm sticking to to that. And this is a part of the when someone says that to you, or you hear someone says that you just it just tells you that this person don't want to grow, this person don't wanna the person isn't ready to change, the person isn't ready to for growth because for growth to happen you have to let go of the past, let go of the hurt, let go of what has happened in your past. But I'm not saying don't use that to make a structure of what you are today, but use it as a lesson, use it as something. People come, people go, there are million reasons why people walk away from you. Them there are million reasons that person have their own reason, their own people treat you the way they are, the way they grew up, and you will say, Okay, they treat me that way, and I'm gonna hold on to that, and I'm gonna take that or use that for me. Like this is who I am, and I just want to share that with you today to tell you this is a sign of you're not growing. This this is a sign that you don't want to develop, this is a sign that you don't want to become you you you're not ready for growth because for growth to grow, you have to give up, you have to let go, you have to um you have to somewhat use that as a lesson. And and the show I was watching last night is it talks about people it was talking about a real relationship and people want to move on. They want to find true love, they want to find true happiness, and and what they're saying, well, when I was young, I I was abused, so I built this wall, and I'm not gonna break this wall till I find that person. But if the wall is there, how can that person come in? You have to break the wall and let the person come in. And a typical example that that was used was for you have to burn the ship. Burn the ship, you have to burn the ship, you have to let it go, burn that ship and take a new journey, a new adventure, beginning from new and a new a new beginning. And I'm you using that for for myself. I always tend to find a lesson in every situation in my life. The past week was a bit challenging for me, but I found a lesson in that week, and the lesson for me in that week was to was to be patient with myself, trust myself, trust me, trust myself, and be patient with myself. And and and I just want to share that with you this this week. I just want to share that with with you. This week, just listen to to yourself, ask yourself the the the question, why I'm not happy, where I why I'm not successful, why I'm not where I want to be. Am I whole holding on to the way I grew up? I'm not saying the way you grew up, nothing bad. Because I grew up with an amazing mom with good structure, discipline, respect. Like she was an awesome, awesome, an awesome mom. And um, and one and but I use what what the lesson from that there are certain things in my childhood if I knew then I wouldn't I wouldn't I would love that I knew then, but then I don't I I I I don't take it as as like I need to hold on to that, like how I grew up and the sadness, the the whatever of my childhood. But I learned the lesson, and the lesson I've learned is to let go. Learn the lesson, find out what's in this situation that about me growing up and the challenges in me growing up, and today I find myself where I would not use the word like this is how I grew up. I'll not use I I will not say, Oh, this is what makes me, this is how I grew up from a Caribbean nationality of a disciplined mom and and and all of this. When I grew up, I used to I'm new, I'm doing this this video by the water because when I grew up, I always used to take the water was my getaway thing. I would I would get up on on mornings and I would run to the beach. Growing up, I was I grew up right next to the water, and the water is always like my place of me finding you know like my my my calmness and my peace and I just want to tell you that that's the reason for me using the water the beach today but I use it as my my my my calmness but I don't always say that I find only calmness in in in the water but I use different different things different techniques I try different things peaceful being calm being alone and I I just I just want to share that with you if you used to saying this is how I grew up and I want to stick to this way I grew up strong, I grew up after build a wall, I grew up after defend for myself, I grew up after protect myself, and it will you need to open up. You need to open up you you you need to open up, you you you need to let go of who you you were that ship, that bad hurt, the relationship, the whatever you've been through, the person who hurt you, the person who your mom that didn't love you the way you want you wanted to be loved, the father that wasn't there for you to say so you grew up or the the guy that you fell in love with your first crush and you didn't and he and and he hurt you you have to realize you need to break this wall, learn the lesson, break this wall and find what you need to find in that for yourself. It's not an easy path, but always be honest with yourself, always be honest with yourself because be because one one thing I always tell myself is if I'm not honest with myself, truly, allow myself to feel the way I feel, believe in what I believe, and because the only way you could you could really really find true happiness and peace is being honest with yourself. Don't expect because because of someone lie lied to you, someone did something to you. The whole reason for today's video is about letting go of how you grew up, letting go of your past, letting grow of how you were raised, you raised in a structured family, so you want now you want your kids to be in a structured family. Oh my dad was like this, my dad walked away from me, or my dad left us and abandons us. So I build this wall, I won't allow somebody else in, I wouldn't love somebody else, or but I'm loving you, but I'm watching you, and the slightest step you make, the slightest move you make, like I feel you don't I don't trust you, and all this type of thing. This is not a way to build a relationship, a friendship, a loving, any type of relationship to build. You need to let down your guard and allow yourself, the person to accept you as you are. Don't go on past, don't go on what happened in your past. And we tend we tend to to to to to do that a lot. We tend to say my last relationship was like this, and then I met this person, and this person did that. So you you know, you're just comparing, you're just trying to not dropping breaking that wall, that barrier isn't allowing someone in. Because the only way you could find someone to actually love you, you being honest with yourself and letting go of this barrier, letting go of this this wall that you're building, this past that you just say, no, this is me, this is who I am, this is how I grew up, and and I'm the way I am because whatever reason you're using in in your head, and this is something I call I called I made up that thing myself, and I call it the lies we tell ourselves that this is who I am, this is how I am, and you have to accept me with all my my baggage and stuff, but are you accepting yourself and realize this is your past and let go of your baggage because you cannot you cannot uh enter a relationship, friendship to your children, anything, and holding on to the way of this, the way you grow up, the way things were with you. Um this is what I just want to share today. This has been on my mind, and the movie came out last night. So, on my run today, I decided to just express this always again. Look at yourself, look at where you where you are, and say what is holding me back, what is preventing me, and just um and someone told me today. I got a text from a very close friend of mine, and she told me 2023 is the time of manifestation, the time of breaking loose, breaking loose. And I feel through the past of COVID and all these things, being alone, people became depressed, people became addicted on on whatever they became addicted on, and they cannot deal with being themselves, being alone in your own thoughts, in your own mind. I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm not saying, but you have to be alone in your own thoughts and your own mind and be honest. You don't need eyes. I'm not an expert, but I think you don't need medication, you don't need any kind of outside thing, but just if you're honest with yourself and willing to accept what it is that this is your past, and you have to bring it up, deal with it, open yourself to it. Don't be afraid, don't be ashamed, don't be shy of who you are. If you want a friendship with someone, you you want you you've met someone and you want to have a friendship with them. You have to break those barriers, those walls, and say this is how I am. I'm a sensitive person. So because you make a joke about something, it's like stop it. Fat go to yourself and say, Yes, I am sensitive. A person isn't, a person don't know that I am sensitive. How can I build myself? How how can I be stronger? Not to be so sensitive to let little things hurt me, little things get to me. It's not about a person, it's about you. Or if I I had this incident with an amazing loving friend of mine. We we we made plans to do something, and something else came up, and another friend who wanted to do something with me. And I and and and and I just thought that this is me. I could share myself. I could share myself because when someone needs me, I am there. And I knew this friend needed me for a really good good good good good reason. Like I decided to share an hour from take an hour from this friend and I schedule to spend it with this friend just for an hour because and this friend felt however, wherever, whatever. And in my perspective, I was just trying to be many places at once. Again, my friend felt very rude that I was very rude, I was disrespectful, and I was I totally respect respect that, but I saw it like I just wanted an hour just to meet with this friend because this friend needed me. And then you and I would spend the whole night together, we would spend the whole rest of the of the day together. But this friend wanted all of me, not a not an hour an hour less of me. And I I understand that this is where the person came from, this is their respect, I respect their views and and how this they they see things, but from my proof, like I'm flexible. Someone needs me, I promise you. Yes, I said give me an hour, I'll be there in an hour. I just want to do something. I just want to meet, hang out, do something with another friend. Again, this was my my point of view. This is how I saw it, and again, again, if it break the barriers, break the bonds of this is who I am. If you promise promise me something, you cannot break break break it. But the world goes around, life moves on, life changes. Every minute, every second, new things happen, new things change, and we have to be able to be adaptable, we have to be able to be to be moving. You you because you get up in the morning, you know what the day is like, but you send the day with positivity, and whatever comes up, you change it. Yes, you plan to do this today, and then when you get up, that didn't happen. What do you do? You spend your whole day sad because one thing didn't go the way you wanted it to go. No, you cannot live like your you cannot find peace and happiness and joy if you think in this way. You have to be adaptable, you have to be versatile, you have to be able to move on. This didn't work out, it is what it is. Let me find a lesson that that I I need to learn from this situation, and I'm gonna move move on. But find the joy, find a peace in whatever the situation, whatever the circumstances is. I just wanna put this uh uh out there, and I just wanna like like we uh none of us are uh are perfect, me none of us are perfect. Every day is a struggle, every day is a new day, every day is a is a is is a new beginning, and I and I always tell myself I'm a guy who self-talk a lot. I talk to myself a lot. If and I always talk to myself about a situation, someone, a situation going on with me, whatever situation with with my friend, I said I will sit and I will talk through it with myself to see from the person's point point of view that was rude and disrespectful. I understand that. I get that, I respect that, but from my the way I saw it is like I'm gonna spend all evening with you. Can I get an hour to see a friend? And and my line of the things I love to do is help people and talk to people, and if you are my friend, you you will understand that you will respect that, and I'm not saying that I will get up and go, I'm not saying that I'm gonna leave you, I'm gonna, but you that this is me. If someone needs me, I will go and be there for this person because this I find joy in that, I find peace, and that's why I'm here today sharing my thoughts, my views about changing the way you grew up, not change using the lesson and make it make you a better person. Don't have these walls, break those walls, those barriers. And if someone brings something up to you and say, Hey, you are very strong person, very strong. And the reason why you're strong, the the reason why you build this wall, the reason why you are you you like you don't let in in anyone in, and don't say, well, this is how I grew up. I would say for for me, it's it's like now that you're aware of it, the person you you've you you've you're aware of it, it's like start doing some self-talk, some self-evaluation, start looking at yourself. And because and start to question yourself, be honest with yourself and say, Yes, this is how I am. I'm tough, I'm strong, I'm sensitive, I am I'm soft, I am this, and and blah. You know, whatever, whatever lies you tell your your yourself that makes you the way you are. Like, it's time to change that if you want to move to the next step. Stop being so sensitive, stop being so hard on yourself, like stop building this huge wall, and you want people to get over the wall to to love you, and you're not breaking the wall and let someone in. You you you you you're not we you you you don't you're not willing or want to say okay I will let me see what I need need to do so I don't feel this way, so I don't have to be that way, I don't have to to you you know ask yourself though those questions because the person is not in your mind, the person cannot see, hear, or feel how you're feeling unless you don't express it and tell them. And yes, you take you you probably might have told a person about your your past, but not the way you feel. So if you feel in a certain way because of someone's reaction, that's not on the person, that's on you. You could take that feeling, that way you feel of hurt, disappointed, whatever, and change it around. Because I felt hurt, angry, disappointed when my mom passed away. Took me five years. Five and I'm not and I'm not saying that, and I'm not using that as like a way, like my thing, and I use that, and I use that as a way for me to for me to heal myself and find that joy, that peace. Like she had to go, she had her reasons, her time came. The God needed her, the creator needed her, and I couldn't like it's selfish of me to feel that way, be angry and mad, and I caused a lot of that of damage being that way. I lost a lot of friends. I hurt a lot of people be feeling like disappointed, angry and mad because of that life situation. Can you imagine the amount of people you hurt because you feel this way? The amount of amazing friends you could have made, the amount of great people that could have been in your life, the way your life could have been in a different place, a different place, you could have been happier, richer, in a better, a loving relationship. You have better kids, better friends. If you just realize that and accept that and tell your your your yourself, this is how I feel. This is like I need to like I cannot hold on to how I grew up, how things of my past, and all and and and and all of these things, and you need to evaluate yourself, you need to look at yourself, you need to talk with yourself, you need to spend time with yourself. And I just want to put this out there today. And the whole week this has been going on with me, and I heard it so many times this this week. Um, and I just want to put this out there. Don't be hard on yourself. Don't think, okay, well, now this didn't work out, this didn't go through, and again, like thinking the past, what happened in the past, and what what and then the past makes you strong. Yes, strong makes you a bigger, a better, more powerful person, but not a stronger, more powerful person that have an excuse for the way you are, but use it to make you a happier person. You came through a nasty breakup, a divorce, a friend disappointed you. You meet another friend. Don't say I'm gonna hold this, I'm just gonna hold this. People enter relationship on relationship, friendship, whatever, and they just hold on their past. Like I was that happened to me in my past, and I'm just gonna build this wall, and then it's like I like you want love and peace, but you want me to break the wall. You want me to build skyscrapers to go over the wall to love you. This is garbage, this is never gonna happen. Nobody will do that for you. You need to break that wall down yourself and let the person in, but be open and positive that good and positive things will come through, but not if you break the wall down, bring it with positive. And if you want some something, think about it. You want to have amazing kids. Say, I want my kids to be blessed and love and educate and smart and intelligent. Don't say things you don't want about your friends, your relationship where you are. Okay, this is something I learned the hard way because I always used to tell myself, oh, I don't want this, I don't want that, I don't want that, and the things also things so much that I don't want. That's what used to happen to me. Something else I um I just want to share this. It came to my mind quickly. My grandfather passed away when I was quite young, and my my my grandfather passed away where his death was brutal, his death was unbelievable, sad, whatever. But I just wanna um he passed away very poor, alone, in his house, died. I think a couple of days. It was very brutal, like no one knew, he was like just felt alone, and he had all these kids, he was a very friendly, what whatever person, and something I told myself from the age of 30 of 13 is like I don't want to die like my grandfather, poor, alone with nothing. And and did you know that I carried that thing so long in my life and I was pushing people away? I was pushing good people, amazing people, wealth, prosperity in my life, jobs, promotion. I was pushing it away because I always tell myself I don't want to die like my grandfather, and it wasn't like probably a year ago, a year ago, I I was having a conversation with a friend, and we were going through my financial situation, my financial, and then I mentioned that to the friend. The friend told me that is what you're manifesting, dying like your grandfather. And I went, What? But I said I don't want it, I but this is not, and then she read she educated me, she taught me. Go and find out what about manifestation, go and find out about dreams and how you need to think your positive thoughts. No matter how positive thoughts you are, and you're talking about the things you don't want in your life, that will come, and you're gonna get frustrated. So stop talking about the things you don't want. I don't want this kind of boyfriend, I don't want this type of relationship, I don't want this type of friends, I don't want this type of thing. Talk about the things you want. I want an honest, true, friendly friend. I want a wealthy, smart, intelligent partner. I want a house in there, I want a car like this. I want to move up in my business, I want to be the next person to drive in charge of this department. I want, I want, and tell yourself what you want and stop talking about the things you don't want, and again, this all comes down to our past. Talking about again, things we don't want, the things happen in our past, and you say we don't want this. Change the way you say that to yourself, to meet your words. I want, I want, I want letting go of that wall you have, and say, I want to be loved, I want to be happy, I want to be wealthy, I want peace, I want love in relationships, I want loving friendships, and and when you tell yourself that this is what's gonna come to you. I know this video has a lot in it for you. If you need to read, say it listened to it many times, listen to it. Remember, stop. I don't want that word, break it, throw it away. Let let it go and start with I want. I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want my kids to attend university. I want my kids to be highly favored. I want, I want, I want, and tell yourself this is what I want, and believe I have achieved it. Believed you have achieved it. Believed you have achieved it, believe in yourself. This week was very challenging for me. I was tested with this exact thing I'm sharing with you, I'm sharing with you today. I was it was tested to me, and I had to leave and take a break, go to the washroom, wash my hands, my face, look in the mirror, and tell myself, Daniel, you can do this. Daniel, you can you can do this. And I tell myself, I want this. This is life-changing for me. I want this. And I just want to leave this with you. If it if you don't get anything from this video, just remember, start telling yourself, I want. I want, and you believe in whatever you want. Break that wall down, that path, that hardness on yourself or that barrier, that wall. I call it the lies you tell yourself. Break that and break it down. Because don't let's don't let someone work hard to love you. Break the wall down and open yourself and let someone in. If they hurt you, it's dead. Why? It makes you stronger. How would you know that person is not for if you don't open yourself? Allow this person in. Let break the walls, let them in. Teach them, show them, tell them. If you find you're too sensitive, if you find you you're too soft, you find you too hard. I'm I used to getting up and go, go, go, go. And I get up in the morning and I'm a gold-driven, and if the person got gold-driven like me, I don't want them in my life. That is you. You are goal driven, the person that has their own goal, their own dreams. But you're missing an amazing person, a loving person. Forget life is balance. Life is balance. So, this is my video today. I just want to say I love you, peace. Break down that wall and tell yourself today is a great day, and I want to be a happy person. I am a happy person, I will be a happy person, and I am a happy person, and I will do anything in my power, in my reach, to be happy and peaceful. Don't rely on someone else to do it for you. Find it yourself. Just remember your past is your past. Use your past as a lesson, the way you grew up, the way you were raised, use it the way your parents raised you, the way you grew up. The role model you had in your life when you're growing up, this is what they knew. This is all they had. Now you're older, you're not where you were back time, you're a new person. So love yourself, love yourself enough to make the right choice. And remember, only you can love yourself and open up and allow somebody to love you the way you want to be loved. Tell yourself I want to be loved this way, but you have to help someone to love you the way you want to be loved. The wall will not help someone to love you because how much more do they have to work to break that wall down? Okay, so peace, love, and I'm sending you love and peace. And remember, I am, I have, and I want. Till next time. Love you, love you, love you.