What If Letting Go Is The Start Of Love?

Loss can crack us open, but it doesn’t have to leave us broken. Teresa sits down with Dan Malcolm for a deeply human conversation about moving through grief, releasing control, and learning to love yourself from the inside out. Dan shares how the back-to-back losses of his father and mother, paired with a painful divorce, led to years of anger and exhaustion—until a hard goodbye from a close friend pushed him to finally look inward. That moment became the start of a different life: honest self-inquiry, daily practices that calm the nervous system, and a commitment to choose love over fear.

We unpack what reframing grief really looks like: honouring the depth of love behind the pain, letting go of guilt, and using memories as fuel for growth rather than anchors to the past. Dan speaks about intuitive moments—like a dream from his mom before a career breakthrough—that helped him trust he was supported, even when the path wasn’t clear. He also gets practical with tools that anyone can use: a hand over the heart paired with “I am safe,” simple gratitude rituals, and a mindset of “everything works out for me” to reset in stressful moments.

The conversation dives into leadership and relationships too. Dan explains how his need to control fed his anger, and how choosing to “let them” changed the way he communicates, listens, and guides a large team. We explore letting go of clutter—old clothes, old stories, old identities—to make room for what matters now. The throughline is presence: learn from the past, plan for the future, but live where your feet are. If you’re navigating grief, burnout, or a season of change, this story offers grounded hope, gentle practices, and a reminder that you are not alone.

If this conversation resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help others find these tools. Your story might be the nudge someone else needs today.

Chapters

• 0:12 Journey of Self-Love
• 13:44 Finding Peace and Acceptance in Life
• 27:24 Guest Speaker on Success Diaries

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:17

Hi everyone, this is Teresa Acre from Teresa Success Diaries with Teresa Acre. So nice of you to all join me today. I have a special guest. His name is Dan Malcolm. He's had quite the journey in life, and he's offered to share his story with me today with you. Dan Malcolm has a wonderful backstory, and we're going to talk about his journey on self-love. So, Daniel, good morning.

SPEAKER_01: 0:44

Good morning. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Thank you for my pleasure. Being on your show today. I just I just want to say I'm very honored and flattered to be here and to be able to share my story with anyone out there who has been through similar paths with me and just know that they're not alone. And through those situations, you end up to find yourself and just remember challenges is a way of learning, developing, and growing. And nothing is never an accident, nothing is never bad. It's always things happen to you so you could grow and develop and become a better human being that you're supposed to become.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24

I think that's terrific advice. I that's what success diaries is all about, Dan. We need to talk to people who have been through it, got to the other side. I always say it happened because it was supposed to happen.

SPEAKER_01: 1:36

Supposed to, yes.

SPEAKER_00: 1:37

Good or bad, it brings you to where we are today, right?

SPEAKER_01: 1:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 1:41

And as we're in the present, we're going to look to the future with more positive eyes, but it's the past is what makes us today. As long as we don't live in the past, the current is the most important. Isn't that right, Dan?

SPEAKER_01: 1:54

Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It is. It is. I find embracing it, embracing a way like accepting it. Say, this is me, this is what happened to me, and what I could learn from this situation. How I gotta make this situation better for me, what to grow, to develop, because if nothing is happening in your life, you have no crisis, no incident, nothing in your life, that means you're you are not growing. So you're just stagnant. So things happen to put you to the next level, and and that's where my story started. That's how my journey started, that's how my life all begins with my mom passing away.

SPEAKER_00: 2:30

Okay, so let's start there. And I'm sorry for your loss, but let's start there, okay?

SPEAKER_01: 2:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 2:35

So what happened to your mom?

SPEAKER_01: 2:37

It's my dad passed away, and then my mom and I we became very close. And then a year and a year and a half, a year and eight months after my dad passed away, my mom passed away. And during the time she passed away, I was going through a nasty divorce. Well, I was just in a crossroad in my life, and I felt very abandoned. I felt like she left me when I needed her most. And I guess I was so attached to her. Everything has been things like mom, mom, mom, mom. And then I realized that this had to happen for me to stand up for me to be independent, for me to open my eyes and see life through a different path. So it took me five years of struggling, being angry, being mad at the world, being hating everything and everyone. One day I lost a very important friend in my in my life. We decided we're gonna go separate ways. And then I was like, why every good person in my life is walking away from me? And then I started backtracking myself and my life, and I realized that I need to grow, I need to become this person, I need to change. And change begins with you. And that is where my journey with my podcast started with Positive Day. I decided to share my life, my story with people, how my story could make a difference in somebody else's life.

SPEAKER_00: 4:01

That's wonderful. And that's that's what's so nice about you, Dan. You're willing to give back and share your story, even though you went through some grief, so that other people can say, Oh, if Dan can go through it, so can I. And you can give them some nice advice. Now, from the time you told me it took you a few years to kind of get through the dark side of the grief, and grief is very real. I I always say, and and I've heard these words from professional people, the more you love, the stronger the grief. And then there's guilt with the grief. Guilt is directly related to the grief that you're experiencing, but the grief is direct proportion to the love that you had for the person. So if you love tremendously, just like with your mom, then you're going to feel the grief tremendously. But the beauty is you had all that time of love. So we don't want to miss the love, but there is a price to pay sometimes, right?

SPEAKER_01: 4:58

Yes, yes. And something I I always tell people, right now I look back and I say, I always say, thank you, mom, for your journey has come and your journey has ended. And then you give me a time to look back at myself. And and right right now, I always look at her. I never sit and think of she's passing away and she's gone. And I'm and this person, I look at her like, wow, I'm growing. She she she just gave me a booth. She threw me off the cliff so I can fly. That's how I saw her. And she's with me in my heart. So it's like, oh, she threw me off the cliff, so now I'm flying. I'm this happy person, this like expressing myself and my love, and everything is like, she would be so proud of me. Sometimes I get up and it's like, wow, she would be so proud of me that how I go navigating through this journey that I'm actually on. So it's not, it's not always like, let's not take it as a bad thing. Because the person's journey has ended, and if we're gonna hold on to them, and it's like we wanna control them. The journey has ended, let them go in peace, in love. And what have they taught us? What have we learned? What about them that we need to take and become this person that we're supposed to be? Because life is a journal journey.

SPEAKER_00: 6:20

It is a journey, Dan. And you're right, we have to let people go. And so do you believe in the after maybe there is something after all of this?

SPEAKER_01: 6:29

I do I do. I do believe that there is something somewhere better, bigger than who or what we are. And I do believe in that. I do.

SPEAKER_00: 6:39

Do you like to think of your mom and your dad kind of walking over you?

SPEAKER_01: 6:43

Yes, yes, I strongly believe that. I I because they probably we're on a two different vibration now, we're on a different pathway now, but then we still connect across path at some point in time, somewhere, somehow, because sometimes we have something just came to mind. I just want to quickly say that I was I got promoted at work, and two days before the promotion came up, my I had this dream about my my mom. She came to me and she pat me on on my back and she said, You'll be okay. Oh. And then I was like, What do you mean I'll be I'll be I'll be okay? Now my human nature kicks in in the dream and I want to know. And she said, You will be okay. And I went, You always give me things in in situations I don't understand. Why don't you just come out and tell me what you really need to tell me? And a few days I went to work and my director came in and said, Hey, I have this position that I can't find somebody best qualified but you. And I went, and then so when I sat on the desk, I just felt these cold shoulders, this hand on my shoulders saying, You see, I told you, you'll be okay.

SPEAKER_00: 7:57

That's why.

SPEAKER_01: 7:59

You just open yourself, and and and my maybe I'm going a while brother, but my my brothers always tell me, because my mom had 13 kids, they always tell me, how she always comes to you, she doesn't come to us. And I said, Do you guys allow yourself to open, be honest and true and through. You need to love yourself so much, love yourself and accept yourself and believe in yourself and trust yourself so much that the other the vibration, the other whatever that's out there will come to you, but you have to be in a piece of love and peace. And if you're not there, this other whatever that's out there cannot come to you. And and I think this is the pathway I'm always talking about. Love yourself enough, be honest, true, and free to yourself. Don't control things, don't control people, don't you control yourself, and don't try to even control you. Just allow yourself to be open and free and true. And when you feel angry, stop. Why am I getting angry? What is this person doing to trigger me to feel this way? It's not the person, it's you. Probably there is something you need to fix about you, there's something you need to adjust about you, there's something about you you need to, you know, to to embrace, to like love, to like look into and and and and start something because it's never the person. It's always it's always you that something it triggers something in you because and then you need to like okay, okay, wow, this is this, this is this, this is this, and makes you always aware of you and yourself, and and this is a quality I have I have acquired through all this time of my journey, is to be calm and enjoy the moment. Sometimes we miss life through that moment, and it just brings me back to like time I spent with my mom. I just let that go because I was so focusing on other things, forgetting the moment with her. And now I look back, I go back to always to those moments, those little tiny little things. It brings a smile to me. Not the time when she was hard on me, not the time she was like, Oh, you need to do this and do this. Those those were all things she was preparing me for today. Those lessons. But I always bring back like those times of the of the little moments, the little thing I missed out on her. Like some little jokes we had be between us, like the little questions I'd ask her, how you met my dad? Why did you choose him? Why him? You know, all those little things and the answers she'd give me. Those are the little things I look back on. It brings me joy, it brings me like like whenever I'm in a place where I'm going off to another place where I don't want to be. I'm getting angry, I'm getting upset, my mood is changing. I just find those, I always tell people, find those little things that put a smile on on your face. Someone opened a door for you. Wow, thank you. That is so sweet of you. And keep it with you throughout the day. And always remember, someone did something good for me today. Someone opened a door for me. Just do it to someone else. Give someone else that little thing, and then it brings you so much joy throughout the day, so much like excitement. People are saying you're always on this high. It's like, I don't know, it's just everything matters. Everything throughout the day matters.

SPEAKER_00: 11:41

It sure does. Joy.

SPEAKER_01: 11:43

And you joy it.

SPEAKER_00: 11:44

Yeah, absolutely. Joy. And you're right, it's the little things. It's the little things throughout the day. It's to keep you focused on happy. And I want to come back to your point. You uh when when we go through any kind of trauma or drama or grief or anything, you're right. We have to go inward. And the reason we go inward is because now the exterior world has affected us because we we, for whatever reason, it's affected us. When we go inward, we have a chance to find more about ourselves. So you're right. Yes. Brings out the side of you that perhaps you've been neglecting. And you're right. Look at that smile you have. It's so nice. And people want to. I mean, I like to think of myself as a happy person too. And you know what? When we when we feel good on the inside, it just radiates on it.

SPEAKER_01: 12:38

Radiant, yes. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 12:40

And everyone feels that. And I like to think that if we can feel joy on the inside, we're giving joy out to everyone.

SPEAKER_01: 12:48

Okay, yes.

SPEAKER_00: 12:49

So you're absolutely right. Now, I want to ask you then, Dan, after mom passed away, what did you do from the next step? So you said my mom was there on my journey. Where did you take your journey?

SPEAKER_01: 13:02

Well, I took my my my my journey in like in like I was a very angry person. I became angry through all of this thing, and then I said that, yeah? So I stepped back and like first thing, first thing I I I I went on was like, how could I stop myself from being angry? So I look back at the situation. What is it, what did trigger, and then I realized there were certain things about myself. I was very controlling. Oh, okay. And that's why I'm getting angry. Because I can't control the situation, can't control what is happening to me. So I learned, I mean, it's a struggle. Some days it's like, wow. Well, I can't control it.

SPEAKER_00: 13:40

Sorry, yes, we can't control the outside, but we control the outside.

SPEAKER_01: 13:44

Yes. And I've learned that, and I've learned that, and and and my my job has put me in situ where sometimes I have I have 500 staff, and uh to manage 500 staff and be calm and they do things the way they want it, and it's like and I learn to control how I bring it out, and I bring it out, it's like the person you're giving that energy to, how they're gonna take it. And I always look at myself, how would you want that energy to come to you? And sometimes it makes me to be very like become a good listener, listen. The person has a story, and through that story, you will learn something about yourself and you will learn to grow. And I learn to to control my anger. It's because I want to control things. If it's not going my way, I'm a loose can. Now you could do what whatever you're doing, go ahead. Controlling me. I'm gonna control how whatever I feel comes out. And I always like the person that's receiving that, how would they want to receive it? I would like with the way I'm feeling.

SPEAKER_00: 14:53

Dan, there's a book, a brand new book out, is with Mel Robbins. She's wonderful, and it's called Let Them. And that's exactly what she talks about. Let the people do what they're gonna do. Don't don't try to change them, don't try to control them, don't try to do any of that. Just let them. And I thought that was brilliant. She did a very good job, and it's a brand new book out there, and certainly, you know, look it up and everyone else, it is worth reading. I I'm quite a proponent of reading and learning from other people. And Mel sends that message, and that's exactly what you just said, Dan. We have to, we can't control what other people do. We can control our reaction, but the other thing is, and this is the most important, is you have to let them do what they're gonna do. Yeah. If you're gonna be angry, let them be angry. You're not responsible for someone else's emotions, you're not responsible for someone else's reactions. The reaction. Only responsible for your own. And when you do that, it's very liberating. It's like, oh, I can just do my thing and they can do theirs. And if it works great, if it doesn't, that's okay.

SPEAKER_01: 16:03

It doesn't, yes, yes. This is so true. This is so true. Something that has really worked for for me. I used to listen to I can't remember her name, it doesn't come to mind. I have it right there, I have it right here. It is the the the the this book, I I can do it by Louise Hay. Oh, Louise Hay, she's amazing.

SPEAKER_00: 16:29

I have lots of good.

SPEAKER_01: 16:31

This was part of my my journey. I can do it.

SPEAKER_00: 16:34

I can do it. Excellent.

SPEAKER_01: 16:35

I can do it. And that's Louise Hay, so if everybody wants to do that book too. Excellent. Louise Hay, I can I I I can do it. And something I've learned, put my hands on my chest. I'm safe. Whatever circumstances, whatever is going through me, whatever is happening to me. People will see me a lot of time like when I'm walking into work. Put my hands on my chest and I pack my gun. I'm walking into work, my hands on my chest, and it's like, I'm safe. Whatever's gonna happen to me today, I am safe. I am guided, and I am safe.

SPEAKER_00: 17:09

That's wonderful.

SPEAKER_01: 17:10

And when I'm losing control of, like, I mean, you go to work and things happen and you can't control it, I just grab that again. I am safe. I'm safe. I'm safe. Why safe? Just reassuring myself that no matter what the circumstances, what's the situation, whatever you I'm going through, I am so safe. I am safe. And this is make me calm myself down to control me and just realize it's nothing to do with you. Just you're gonna be fine, you're gonna be fine. Just let them be, let them be, and you're gonna be safe. And this is one of my things, my practice, my my way of me, of because of me preparing me because I just feel like everyone has this amazing thing in their life, everyone is gifted with something amazing, and we just need to find it, like find this this thing that works for us, and we just need to resure ourselves, make sure we do that. And mine is so peaceful, is that my hands on my chest and I'm safe. No matter what is going on, what is happening. My flight was delayed one time for three hours when I miss my connecting flight. I'm like, I am safe. I am safe. And then when we got to the flight, my direct flight, they gave me another flight, which I happened to fly into LA to see my best friend. I was like, yes, I'm in LA now. Now I have uh I have like 16 hours delayed, so I could go see my best friend, which I haven't seen in years. So missing one flight drove me to LA to see my friend. And it's like, look at how the universe works so well. If I got angry, I got mad, I got disappointed, like, oh, I had a flight delay and I'm gonna be like an extra. Yeah, I'm safe. I'm safe. And I'm up to seeing my best friend in LA. So I always tell people just enjoy the moment where you're at. And nothing is an accident. Nothing in life is an accident. Everything happened for a reason. We just need to find that positive, positive thing.

SPEAKER_00: 19:15

Absolutely, Dan. I would also add something, it's so Louise Hayes great, and I know the one you're talking about, and that's an excellent, excellent mantra to say. Another one I say in the morning and at night is everything works out for me. And that's a really good one. And and the reason I use that one as well, and I do know the Louise Hayes one, is because everything really does work out for us. It does. You know, it does like it at the time. But so many times in our lives we look back and went, oh my goodness, like how about that old relationship you had that you broke up with you and everyone's been heartbroken? And then later you think, oh, it's a good thing. It was the best thing, right? Because you ended up growing from that and you became something who and now you're not interested. You think, I can't believe I was interested then. Yes, yes, how many times did that happen? Or, you know, you you have like you said, a job, you may have a job. That you you like, and then you that job they let you go, or you just can't do it anymore. And then you think, oh my gosh, my life, I don't know what's happening. And the next thing you know, a new position comes along, or you start a new business, or something happens that something new everything. And it's just the universe that has your back and says, No, no, there's a better plan. Just hang in. And like you said, I am safe. Save. All is well in my world. And from this situation, the best is going to happen. And that's exactly what you have to say.

SPEAKER_01: 20:44

You just said something amazing. If I add mine and yours, I am safe. All is gonna turn out well. So we have a new thing now. Yeah, now we have a new one.

SPEAKER_00: 20:56

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I am well. So what you can say is from this situation, everything is gonna work out for me. Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 21:07

It does, everything does. Yeah, always well. Everything always turns out. It's just we just need to find the positive in every in in everything. We need to look, we can look at what what's wrong in every but look at the good side, the good thing in in everything that's actually happening to us. And and and this is this is my journey. This is the part where I always tell people, no matter what's going on with you, people leave you, people come, people go, friends don't talk to you. Like so many things that are actually that's happening to you. You just need to take the moment and just stop. I just have a quick little story before I leave. I have a brother of mine, his wife passed away, and it's been a couple of years, and he still cannot find the good in it. He still cannot find something. And you and you always say, like, I always come to you to talk, because you always talk about how good my wife is. But and he's like, You're the only person that talks about that with her. Because I and and and I tell him, because you just hang on to her, and I feel it's time you need to let go. It's like, how can I let go of it? I said, in your heart, like let go of all the physical part of her, but in your heart, and just know that in your heart you'll be fine.

SPEAKER_00: 22:18

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 22:19

She it's her time has come for us for her to go. She needs this is her journey, and you need to respect that. And and that's things we don't do. We just think that people are in our lives to stay. If people stay in your life, that means you are not growing, you're not developing, you gotta be, you, you, you're you're growing, you're moving, you're going for different. It's like a train. You're jumping from one train to the next, to the next, to the next, and you have to let things and people, situations. And I just did a podcast about let letting go of the clutter, the old clothes, the old thoughts, the old just let go of all these things and just become now. Just enjoy the now, the new people, the new things, the new circumstances, the new where you are right now. Just and enjoy that and appreciate that with gratitude and love.

SPEAKER_00: 23:11

That's that's a that's wonderful, Dan. That's exactly what we should be doing. When we when we go back back and we look the behind us, so in the past, that gives us a little bit of sadness and depression because we go through the what if I shoulda, maybe coulda.

SPEAKER_01: 23:27

Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

SPEAKER_00: 23:29

That's right. And then when we look forward too much, although it's nice to have plans, you can't get too hung up on the future because that gives you anxiety. Like, yes, I don't know if I can handle it. Where am I going? So the present, to your point, is very important. You can have dreams and goals, but stay present. You can learn from the past, but stay present. And that allows for no anxiety and no depression.

SPEAKER_01: 23:56

Yes. Just let let things let things be. Let things want to turn out the way they're supposed to turn out. We just have to give it love. And and and and I I always I I always tell people, my friends, people around me, like negative things do come to me. The thoughts, the negative thoughts, the negative idea, the everything do come to me, what you are feeling. But I choose, I'm making that choice with myself not to let it overwhelm me, not to let it take over me. So you're gonna come to me and say, I send, I send it love. That thought, I send it love.

SPEAKER_00: 24:34

Yes, that's good.

SPEAKER_01: 24:35

I'm gonna send that thought love. Yes, I'm gonna send that thought love. Hurt comes back. You remember something someone has done to you? Like, Dan, forgive yourself. And I forgive you. Probably at the moment the person had no idea they were doing what they were doing. That's true. They have their own baggage. Yes, they have their own baggage. So I forgive you. I'm letting go. I'm sending this love. What I need to learn from that, letting go. Like some, I always find that and I and I write it down. I write the thought down as like, oh, two weeks, three weeks, one month, I go back. Like, where did you come from? What's getting on with you? Where you come from? Like, how what was I thinking when I had those thoughts? Yeah. And then it's it takes a while to go back, and then you're like, oh, this is what, this is it, this is it, this is it. And you you you f you f you find it. So I'm not always yes, I'm a happy, like, joyful acceptance of things and what's going on with me. But then things do come, but you should have to send it love. The thought, the person that hurt you, the person that did what they did to you, the person that didn't stand up for you, the person that didn't respect you, the person that didn't do what they didn't do for you. Don't just send them love and love yourself, and you'll be fine.

SPEAKER_00: 25:54

That's very good, Dan. I think we'll be fine. I think when you say love yourself, I think the most important is when we're in a good place. So when we're busy doing our own plans, making our own life, taking care of ourselves, whether that be physically, mentally, emotionally, we take care of our heart. That's uh so important. You have to love yourself, right in there. And you have to radiate all of that. What happens is all the people that are not going to be part of your world, they're not gonna affect you because you're you got so much love. They can't come near you. The ones that love back, it's gonna come back to you tenfold. So if that makes sense, Dan, now you're right. You keep love in your heart, just like you said. So that's Dan's good words of love, and that radiates out to the world, and what you get back is tenfold all that love back to you.

SPEAKER_01: 26:50

Yes, yes, this is what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00: 26:51

And trust that the universe is gonna do it for you.

SPEAKER_01: 26:55

Yes, trust, trust what's out there. Like I I it's it to me, it it's not trust whatever you believe in. Trust that there is something bigger out there than you that created you. Whatever you believe in, it's you, but there is something bigger out there that is that's like nothing created you and don't love you. So whoever, whatever created you, have a plan for you and trust that plan.

SPEAKER_00: 27:28

Perfect, Dan. I want to leave it on that note. Now, Dan, will you come back another time and talk to us?

SPEAKER_01: 27:35

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. I would. Thank you. My pleasure.

SPEAKER_00: 27:40

Thank you. It was my pleasure to have you on today. So my name is Teresa Acre from Success Diaries with Teresa Acre. Dan, thank you so much for joining us all today. And I hope you're having a great day, and I look forward to talking to you all soon. Thank you again.