Transforming Loss into a Journey of Growth with Teresa Aker on Success Diaries

Daniel Malcolm's inspiring story showcases the profound impact of grief and the transformative power of self-love. He shares his journey from personal loss to personal growth, emphasizing the importance of embracing challenges, living in the moment, and nurturing oneself to navigate life's trials. 

• The significance of embracing grief as a growth opportunity 
• The role of self-love in healing from loss 
• How the past can inform our present without defining it 
• The importance of letting go of control to find inner peace 
• Finding joy in small moments to foster gratitude 
• The connection between love and personal growth 
• Tools and mantras for cultivating a peaceful mindset 
• The journey of forging ahead while cherishing memories 
• Empowering oneself through mindful living and present awareness

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Chapters

• 0:07 Journey of Self-Love
• 13:47 Finding Peace and Acceptance in Life
• 27:38 Guest Speaker on Success Diaries

Transcript

Teresa Aker: 0:07

Hi everyone. This is Teresa Aker from Success Diaries. With Teresa Aker, so nice of you to all join me today. I have a special guest. His name is Dan Malcolm. He's had quite the journey in life and he's offered to share his story with me today, with you. Dan Malcolm has a wonderful backstory and we're going to talk about his journey on self-love. So, daniel, good morning.

Daniel Malcolm: 0:34

Good morning, thank you. Thanks for having me. Thank you for being on your show today. I just want to say I'm very honored and flattered to be here and to be able to share my story with anyone out there who has been through similar path with me and just know that they're not alone. And through those situation you end up to find yourself and just remember. Challenges is a way of learning, developing and growing, and nothing is never an accident, nothing is never bad. It's always things happen to you so you could grow and develop and become a better human being that you're supposed to become.

Teresa Aker: 1:14

I think that's terrific advice. That's what Success Diaries is all about, Dan. I need to talk to people who have been through it, got to the other side. I always say it happened because it was supposed to happen.

Daniel Malcolm: 1:26

Supposed to yes.

Teresa Aker: 1:27

Good or bad, it brings you to where we are today, right?

Daniel Malcolm: 1:31

Yes.

Teresa Aker: 1:31

And as we're in the present, we're going to look to the future with more positive eyes. But the past is what makes us today. As long as we don't live in the past, the current is the most important, Isn't that right, Dan?

Daniel Malcolm: 1:43

Yes, it is, it is. I find embracing it, embracing it in a way like accepting it, say this is me, this is what happened to me and what I could learn from this situation. How am I going to make this situation better for me, to grow, to develop? Because if nothing is happening in your life you have no crisis, no incident, nothing in your life that means you are not growing, so you're just stagnant. So things happen to put you're just stagnant, so things happen to put you to the next level. And that's where my story started, that's how my journey started, that's how my life all begins, with my mom passing away.

Teresa Aker: 2:20

Okay, so let's start there, and I'm sorry for your loss, but let's start there, okay.

Daniel Malcolm: 2:24

Okay.

Teresa Aker: 2:25

So what happened to your mom care.

Daniel Malcolm: 2:33

So what happened? It's, um, my dad passed away and then my mom and I. We became very close and then, a year and a year and a half, a year and eight months after my dad passed away, my mom passed away, and during the time she passed away, I was going through a nasty divorce as well. I was just in a crossroad in my life and I felt very abandoned. I felt like she left me when I needed her most and I guess I was so attached to her. Everything has anything like mom, mom, mom, mom.

Daniel Malcolm: 2:59

And then I realized that this had to happen for me to stand up, for me to be independent, for me to open my eyes and see life through a different path. So it took me five years of struggling, being angry, being mad at the world, hating everything and everyone, and one day I lost a very important friend in my life. We decided we're going to go separate ways, and then I was like why every good person in my life is walking away from me? And then I started backtracking myself and my life and I realized that I need to grow, I need to become this person, I need to change, and change begins with you, and that is where my journey with my podcast started. With Positive Day, I decided to share my life, my story, with people, how my story could make a difference in somebody else's life.

Teresa Aker: 3:54

That's wonderful and that's what's so nice about you, dan. You're willing to give back and share your story, even though you went through some grief, so that other people can say, oh, if Dan can go through it, so can I, and you can give them some nice advice. Now, from the time you told me it took you a few years to kind of get through the dark side of the grief and grief is very real I always say and I've heard these words from professional people the more you love, the stronger the grief. And then there's guilt with the grief. Guilt is directly related to the grief that you're experiencing, but the grief is direct proportion to the love that you had for the person. So if you love tremendously, just like with your mom, then you're going to feel the grief tremendously. But the beauty is you had all that time of love. So we don't want to miss the love, but there is a price to pay sometimes, right?

Daniel Malcolm: 4:51

Yes, yes, and something I always tell people. Right now, I look back and I always say thank you, mom, for your journey has come and your journey has ended. And then you give me a time to look back at myself and right now I always look at her. I never sit and think of she's passing away and she's gone.

Daniel Malcolm: 5:15

And this person I look at her like, wow, I'm growing. She just gave me a boost, she threw me off the cliff so I can fly. That's how I saw her and she's with me in my heart. So it's like, oh, she threw me off the cliff, so now I'm flying. I'm me in my heart. So it's like, oh, she threw me off the cliff, so now I'm flying. I'm this happy person. I'm this like expressing myself and my love and everything is like she'll be so proud of me. Sometimes I get up and it's like, wow, she'll be so proud of me that how I'm going, navigating through this journey that I'm actually on so it's not it's not like, let's not take it as a bad thing, because the person's journey has ended.

Daniel Malcolm: 5:53

And if we're going to hold on to them and it's like we want to control them, the journey has ended. Let them go in peace, in love. And what have they taught us? What have we learned? What about them that we need to take and become this person that we're supposed to be, because life is a journey.

Teresa Aker: 6:13

It is a journey, dan, and you're right, we have to let people go, and so do you believe in the after. Maybe there is something after all of this.

Daniel Malcolm: 6:23

I do. I do believe that there is something somewhere better, bigger than who or what we are, and I do believe in that. I do.

Teresa Aker: 6:32

Do you like to think of your mom and your dad, kind of watching over you?

Daniel Malcolm: 6:36

Yes, yes, I strongly believe that, because probably we're on a different vibration now, we're on a different pathway now, but then we still connect across path at some point in time, somewhere, somehow, because sometimes we have something just came to mind. I just want to quickly say that I was. I got promoted at work and two days before the promotion came up, I had this dream about my mom. She came to me and she pat me on on my back and she said you'll be okay. Oh, and then I was like what do you mean? I'll be, I'll be, I'll be okay.

Daniel Malcolm: 7:17

Now my human nature kicks in in the dream and I want to know. And she said you will be okay. And I went. You always give me things in in situation. I don't understand. Why don't you just come out and tell me what you really need to tell me? And a few days I went to work and my director came around and said hey, I have this position that I can't find somebody best qualified. But you and I went. And so when I sat on the desk, I just felt these cool shoulders, these hands on my shoulders, saying you see, I told you you're going to be okay.

Teresa Aker: 7:51

That's wonderful.

Daniel Malcolm: 7:53

You just open yourself and my, maybe I'm going a little better. But my brothers always tell me because my mom had 13 kids, they always tell me how she always come to you. She doesn't come to us. And I said do you guys allow yourself to open, be honest and true? And three you need to love yourself so much. Love yourself and accept yourself and believe in yourself and trust yourself so much that the other, the vibration, the other, whatever that's out there, will come to you. But you have to be in a peace, of love and peace, and if you're not there, disorder, whatever that's out there, cannot come to you. And I think this is the pathway I'm always talking about Love yourself enough, be honest, true and free to yourself. Don't control things, don't control people, don't control yourself and don control people. Don't control yourself and don't try even to control you. Just allow yourself to be open and free and true.

Daniel Malcolm: 8:57

And when you feel angry, stop. Why am I getting angry? What is this person doing to trigger me to feel this way? It's not the person, it's you. Probably there is something you need to fix about you. There's something you need to adjust about way. It's not the person, it's you. Probably there is something you need to fix about you, there's something you need to adjust about you. There's something about you you need to embrace, to love, to look into. It's never the person, it's always you. It triggers something in you. Then you need to never the person, it's always, it's always you that something, it triggers something in you because, and then you need to like, okay, okay, wow, this is this, this is this, this is this and makes you always aware of you and yourself, and and this is a quality I have, I have acquired through the whole time of my journey is to be calm, calm and and enjoy the moment.

Daniel Malcolm: 9:51

Sometimes we miss life through that moment and it just brings me back to, like time I spent with my mom. I just let that go because I was so focusing on other things, forgetting the moment with her. And now I look back, I go back always to those moments, those little, tiny little things, and it brings a smile to me. Not the time when she was hard on me, not the time she was like, oh, you need to do this and do this. Those were all things she was preparing me for today, those lessons. But I always bring back those times of the little moments, the little things I missed out on her, like little jokes we had between us, like the little questions I'd ask her how you met my dad, why did you choose him? Why him? You know? All those little things and the answers should give me.

Daniel Malcolm: 10:41

Those are the little things I look back on. It brings me joy. It brings me like, like whenever I'm in a place where I'm going off to another place where I don't want to be, I'm getting angry, I'm getting upset, my mood is changing. I just find those. I always tell people, find those little things that put a smile on your face. Someone open a door for you. Wow, thank you. That is so sweet of you. And keep it with you throughout the day and always remember someone did something good for me today, someone opened a door for me. Just do it to someone else, give someone else that little thing and it brings you so much joy throughout the day, so much like excitement, and people always say you're always on this high. It's like I don't know. It's just everything matters. Everything throughout the day matters.

Daniel Malcolm: 11:37

It sure does man Enjoy?

Teresa Aker: 11:39

it. Yeah, absolutely Joy. And you're right, it's the little things. The little things throughout the day is to keep you focused on happy. I want to come back to your point. I want to come back to your point. When we go through any kind of trauma or drama or grief or anything, you're right, we have to go inward. And the reason we go inward is because now the exterior world has affected us, because we, for whatever reason it's affected us. When we go inward, we have a chance to find more about ourselves. So, you're right, it brings out the side of you that perhaps you've been neglecting. And you're right Happiness. Look at that smile you have. It's so nice and people want to.

Teresa Aker: 12:26

I mean, I like to think of myself as a happy person too, and you know what, when we feel good on the inside, it just radiates just really yes absolutely, and everyone feels that, and I like to think that if we can feel joy on the inside, we're giving joy out to everyone yes so you're absolutely right now. I want to ask you then, dan, after mom passed away, what did you do from the next step? So you said my mom was there on my journey. Where did you take your journey?

Daniel Malcolm: 12:59

Well, I took my journey in like I was a very angry person. I became angry through all of this thing. You said that, yeah, so I stepped back and it's like first thing I went on was like how could I stop myself from being angry? So I look back at the situation what is it? What did it trigger? And then I realized there were some things about myself I was very controlling.

Teresa Aker: 13:23

Oh, okay.

Daniel Malcolm: 13:24

And that's why I'm getting angry because I can't control the situation, can't control what is happening to me. So I learned, I mean it's a struggle. Some days it's like wow, well, we can't control what is happening to me. So I learned, I mean it's a struggle. Some days it's like wow, well, we can't control.

Teresa Aker: 13:37

Sorry, yes, we can't control the outside, but we can control what we react.

Daniel Malcolm: 13:41

Yes, and I've learned that. And I've learned that and my job has put me in situations. Sometimes I have 500 staff and I had to manage 500 staff and be calm and they do things the way they wanted. And I learned to control how I bring it out. And I bring it out. It's like the person you're giving that energy to. How are they going to take it? And I always look at myself how would you want that energy to come to you? And sometimes it makes me to be very like um, become a good listener. Listen. The person has a story and through that story you will learn something about yourself and they will learn to grow. And I learned to to control my anger. It's because I want to control things. If it's not going my way, I'm a loose can. Now you could do whatever you're doing. Go ahead, I'm controlling me. I'm going to control how whatever I feel comes out and I always like the person that's receiving that. How would they want to receive it?

Daniel Malcolm: 14:50

Not with the way I'm feeling.

Teresa Aker: 14:52

Dan, there's a book, a brand new book out is with Mel Robbins. She's wonderful and it's called Let them and that's exactly what she talks about.

Teresa Aker: 15:01

Let the people do what they're going to do. Don't try to change them, don't try to control them, don't try to do any of that, just let. And I thought that was brilliant. She did a very good job and it's a brand new book out there and certainly you know, look it up and everyone else. It is worth reading. I'm quite a proponent of reading and learning from other people, and Mel sends that message. And that's exactly what you just said, dan. We have to. We can't control what other people do. We can control our reaction. The other thing is and this is the most important, is you have to let them do what they're going to do.

Teresa Aker: 15:38

Yeah, if you're going to be angry, let them be angry. You're not responsible for someone else's emotions. You're not responsible for someone else's reactions Reaction, only responsible for your own. And when you do that it's very liberating. It's like oh, I can just do my thing and they can do theirs.

Daniel Malcolm: 15:59

And if it works, great. If it doesn't, that's okay. It doesn't, yes, yes, this is so true. This is so true, Something that has really worked for me. I used to listen to. I can't remember her name, it doesn't come to mind. I have it right there. I have it right here. It is this book I can do it, by Louise Hay.

Teresa Aker: 16:29

Oh, louise Hay, she's amazing. I have lots of her.

Daniel Malcolm: 16:33

This was part of my journey. I can do it.

Teresa Aker: 16:36

I can do it excellent, I can do it, and that's Louise Hay. So if everybody wants to hear that, book too excellent, louise Hay.

Daniel Malcolm: 16:44

I can do it and something I've learned put my hands on my chest, I'm safe, whatever circumstances, whatever is going through me, whatever is happening to me. People see me a lot of time, like when I'm walking into work, put my hands on my chest and I pack my gun. I'm walking into work my hands on my chest and it's like I'm safe. Whatever's going to happen to me today, I am safe, I am guided and I am safe.

Teresa Aker: 17:11

That's wonderful.

Daniel Malcolm: 17:15

And when I'm losing control of like I I mean you go to work and things happen and you can't control it I just grab that again. I am safe, I'm safe. I'm safe, just reassuring myself that, no matter what the circumstances, was the situation, whatever I'm going through, I am so safe. I am safe. And this is make me calm myself down, to control me and just realize it's not to do with you. Just you're going to be fine. You're going to be fine, just let them be, let them be and you're going to be safe. And this is one of my things, my practice, my way of me, of me preparing me, because I just feel like everyone has this amazing thing in their life, everyone is gifted with something amazing and we just need to find it, like, find this thing that works for us, and we just need to reshore ourselves, make sure we do that. And mine is so peaceful. Is that my hands on my chest and I'm safe, no matter what is going on, what is happening.

Daniel Malcolm: 18:24

My flight was delayed one time for three hours. When I'm missing my connecting flight, I'm like I am safe, I am safe. And then, when we got to the flight my direct flight they gave me another flight which I happened to fly into la to see my best friend. I'm like, yes, I'm in la now. Now I have, I have like um 16 hours delayed so I could go see my best friend, which I haven't seen in years. So missing. One flight drove me to la to see my friend and it's like look at how the universe works so well. If I got angry, I got mad, I got disappointed, like, oh, I had a flight delay and I'm missing my connecting flight. Yeah, I'm safe, I'm safe and I end up seeing my best friend in LA. So I always tell people just enjoy the moment where you're at, and nothing is an accident. Nothing in life is an accident. Everything happened for a reason. We just need to find that positive, positive thing.

Teresa Aker: 19:19

Absolutely, dan. I would also add something. So, louise Hayes great, and I know the one you're talking about that's an excellent, excellent mantra. To say, another one I say in the morning and at night is everything works out for me, and that's a really good one, and and the reason I use that one as well and I do know the louise hayes one is because everything really does work out for us it does it does seem like it at the time, but so many times in our lives we look back and went, oh my goodness, like how about that old relationship you had, that you broke up with you and everyone's been heartbroken?

Teresa Aker: 19:55

and then later you think, oh, it's a good thing that was the best. Thing right, because you ended up growing from that and you became something and now you're not interested. You think I can't believe I was interested then.

Daniel Malcolm: 20:07

Yes, right. How many times did that happen?

Teresa Aker: 20:10

Or you know, like you said, a job, you may have a job that you like, and then that job they let you go, or you just can't do it anymore. And then you think, oh my gosh, my life, I don't know what's happening. And the next thing you know a new position comes along, or you start a new business, or something happens that changes everything. And it's just the universe that has your back and says no, no, there's a better plan, Just hang in there and, like you, said I am safe, all is well in my world and from this situation the best is going to happen.

Teresa Aker: 20:46

And that's exactly what you have to say.

Daniel Malcolm: 20:48

You just said something amazing. If I add mine and yours, I am safe. All is going to turn out well. So we have a new thing now.

Teresa Aker: 20:58

Yeah, now we have a new one.

Daniel Malcolm: 21:00

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Teresa Aker: 21:03

I am well. So what you can say is and from this situation, everything is going to work out for me. Yes, yes, yes. I am well so what you can say is from this situation, everything is going to work out for me.

Daniel Malcolm: 21:11

Yes, it does, everything does. Yeah, all is well, everything always turns out. It's just. We just need to find the positive in everything. We need to look. We can look at what's wrong in everybody. Look at the good side, the good thing in everything that's actually happening to us. And this is my journey. This is the part where I always tell people no matter what's going on with you, people leave you, people come, people go, friends, don't talk to you so many things that actually that's happening to you. You just need to take the moment and just stop. I just have a quick little story before I leave.

Daniel Malcolm: 21:49

I have a brother of mine. His wife passed away and it's been a couple of years and he still cannot find the good in it. He still cannot find something. And he always say, like I always come to you to talk because you always talk about how good my wife is, and he's like you're the only person that talks about that with her. And I tell you, because you just hang on to her and I feel it's time you need to let go. It's like how can I let go of her? I said in your heart, like let go of all the physical part of her, but in your heart and just know that in your heart you'll be fine, absolutely. It's her time has come for us for her to go. Her she needs, this is her journey.

Daniel Malcolm: 22:31

I need to respect that and and that's things we don't do. We just think that people are in our lives to stay and if people stay in your life, that means you are not growing, you're not developing. You gotta be you. You, you're growing, you're moving, you're going for different. It's like a train you jump in from one train to the next, to the next, to the next, and you have to let things and people, situations and I just did a podcast about letting go of the clutter, the old clothes, the old thoughts, the old just let go of all these things and just become now. Just enjoy the now, the new people, the new things, the new circumstances, the new where you are right now. Just enjoy that and appreciate that with gratitude and love.

Teresa Aker: 23:18

That's wonderful, dan. That's exactly what we should be doing. When we go back and we look behind us, so in the past, that gives us a little bit of sadness and depression, because we go through the what if I should have, maybe could have, could have, would have, should have, that's right. And then when we look forward too much although it's nice to have plans, you can't get too hung up on the future because that gives you anxiety, like yes, I don't know if I can handle it, where am I going? So the present, to your point, is very important. You could have dreams and goals, but stay present.

Daniel Malcolm: 23:53

You can learn from the past, but stay present, and that allows for knowing, anxiety and depression yes, just let let's think, yes, let things be, um, let things want to turn out the way they're supposed to turn out, we just have to give it love. And I always tell people, my friends, people around me it's like negative things do come to me, the thoughts, the negative thoughts, the negative ideas, everything do come to me, what you are feeling, but I choose, I'm making that choice with myself, not to let it overwhelm me, not to let it take over me. So it's going to come to me and say I send it love. That thought I send it love.

Teresa Aker: 24:39

Yes, that's good. I'm going to send that thought love.

Daniel Malcolm: 24:43

Yes, I'm going to send that thought. Love A hood comes back. You remember something someone has done to you Like Dan, forgive yourself and I forgive you. Probably at the moment the person had no idea they were doing, what they were doing.

Teresa Aker: 24:58

That's true, they have their own baggage.

Daniel Malcolm: 25:00

Yes, they have their own baggage. So I forgive you, I'm letting go. I'm sending this love. What I need to learn from that letting go, like some, I always find it and I write it down, I write the thought down. It's like, oh, two weeks, three weeks, one month, I go back like where did you come from? What's going on with you? Where you come from, like, what was I thinking when I had those thoughts? And then it takes a while to go back and then you, oh, this is what, this is it, this is it, this is it. And you, you, you, you find it. So I'm not always, yes, I'm a happy, like joyful acceptance of things and what's going on with me. But then things do come. But you have to send it love, the thought, the person that hurt you, the person that did what they did to you, the person that didn't stand up for you, the person that didn't respect you, the person that didn't do what they didn't do for you. Just send them love and love yourself and you'll be fine.

Teresa Aker: 26:01

That's very good, dan, I think. When you say love yourself yourself, I think the most important is when we're in a good place, so when we're busy doing our own plans, making our own life, taking care of ourselves, whether that be physically, mentally, emotionally we take care of our heart. That's so important. You have to love yourself, right is there, and you have to radiate all of that. What happens is all the people that are not going to be part of your world, they're not going to affect you because you're, you got so much love they can't come near you the ones that love back, it's going to come back to you tenfold. So, if that makes sense, dan, now you're right. You keep love in your heart, just like you said. So that's Dan's good words of love and that radiates out to the world and what you get back is tenfold all that love back to you, yes, yes.

Daniel Malcolm: 26:58

And trust that the universe is going to do it for you. Yes, trust, trust what's out there. Like to me, it's not trust whatever you believe in. Trust that there is something bigger out there than you that created you. Whatever you believe in, it's you, but there is something bigger out there that is that's like nothing created you and don't love you. Like nothing created you and don't love you. So, whoever whatever created you, have a plan for you and trust that plan.

Teresa Aker: 27:36

Perfect, Dan. I want to leave it on that note. Now, Dan, will you come back another time and talk to us?

Daniel Malcolm: 27:42

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. I would Thank you my pleasure. Thank you, my pleasure.

Teresa Aker: 27:48

Thank you. It was my pleasure to have you on today. So this is Teresa Aker from Success Diaries with Teresa Aker. Dan, thank you so much for joining us all today and I hope you're having a great day and I look forward to talking to you all soon. Thank you again.