The Journey to Mental Calmness

Have you ever considered that letting go of control might be the key to finding true peace in your life? Join me as I share personal stories and insights on the Positive Day Podcast, where we explore how surrendering the need to control others can lead to a more harmonious existence. Through my own experiences with partners, friends, and colleagues, I've learned that understanding everyone has their own mind and choices can alleviate feelings of anger and disappointment. By respecting others' boundaries and decisions, we realize their choices are not a reflection on us, but instead, a part of their unique journey.

In this episode, you'll discover how maintaining peace of mind can remarkably enhance both your mental and physical well-being. I reveal the enlightening connection between not internalizing stress and my overall health and happiness. Prioritizing joy and kindness, I emphasize treating others as we wish to be treated, shedding negativity for a more balanced life. Through these practices, the episode delves into how inner peace transforms us, impacting our emotional and physical states for the better. Tune in to uncover how these insights can inspire a more peaceful and understanding approach to life.

Chapters

• 18:51 Maintaining Peace Through Letting Go

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

Hello, hello, hello and welcome. Welcome to Positive Day Podcast. I'm your host, Daniel Malcolm, thank you. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you to my new regulars, my new regular listeners. Thank you for my new listeners. Thank you for all your support. Thank you for all those who have been listening to me on a regular basis and who meet me and tell me how much my episode has changed, touch and moved their lives. Um, if you haven't subscribed yet, please subscribe so you never miss an episode again. Um, if it's your first time you're listening to me, first time hearing me out, please subscribe. Wherever you're listening to me, please leave a comment. Um, I really appreciate, appreciate that.

Speaker 1: 0:52

Um, again, this is daniel malcolm, dan malcolm from positive day podcast, and I want to start today, today's podcast. I just want to start today about letting go. I made a few notes. So often on you'll see me looking down or just um, but, um, I just to. I just want to say today, letting go.

Speaker 1: 1:14

It's like letting go and that could mean many things to different people. That can mean different things to different people. Different people will have different things to let go of, have different things to let go of, and to me, letting go is like surrendering, giving up acceptance of what it is. And this is letting go is part of loving you, because you're letting go of things. You can't control things. You cannot change things. You cannot make letting go of things. You can control things. You cannot change things you're gonna make a difference of. So, um, that's why letting go to me is surrendering, giving up acceptance, believing whatever you you wanna call it. But, um, I'm just gonna focus on some some of my experience, some of my um, some ways how I let go of things. And and one thing I want to start with is letting go of control.

Speaker 1: 2:25

Um, lots of a lot of us has, um, cannot accept that we cannot control anyone, anything. Our relationship, our partners, friends, co-workers, colleagues, children, especially women, want to control their partners, partners. Men want to control the women. Like you cannot control anyone. Everyone have their own mind, their own heart, their own thinking, their heart be different from yours. So you cannot control people, and when people don't do the things that you want them to do, it changes your mood. You get angry, you get upset, you get disappointed. It changes your mood. You get angry, you get upset, you get disappointed.

Speaker 1: 3:10

And for me, I have learned through my life experience, through my journey of finding me, is give up that part of my life, letting go, because it prevents you from getting angry with people. It prevents you from getting upset. It prevents you from getting angry with people. It prevents you from getting upset. It prevents you from judging, from criticizing, because people do things based on what they know. People do things based on how they feel about themselves. People do things on the past, trauma, the past things. So letting go is a sign of today, is about letting go of all these things, and one is it is controlling. You cannot control people. Let that go.

Speaker 1: 4:16

I had an incident where someone called me up and they were like oh, I want to do this and I want to do that and I want you to help me. I didn't respond, I didn't say anything, I just listened and at the end I said said I'm sorry, I'm not prepared right now, I'm not prepared to tackle that. So I'm sorry, I cannot. And, personifying, I let them down. They were rude, I was rude, they were depending on me, they trusted me and I was like you're asking me to do something that I cannot do right now, and that's because I tell you that I'm rude because I say no because I'm thinking of me and it was something that nobody would actually jump into. And I lost a friend through that and I was like, well, you're not my friend because you don't understand. You don't put a request like that on somebody without notifying them, and it was a big financial thing. And I was like, wow, because I didn't do it everything in the book. I was like, so I guess you were never a friend to understand that.

Speaker 1: 5:37

And again, that is control, controlling people. And then when they don't do the things the way you want them to do it, like the way you do your dishes you do dishes the way you like it. You do it what's best for you. And if someone else don't do it, you can't get upset, angry or mad about that, because nobody can do things like you. Nobody can do things the way you do it. Nobody can do it that has a touch like you, because we all are special, unique and one of a kind.

Speaker 1: 6:10

I've said that in some of my episodes you are special. You're made with a mold and that mold is broken and there's no more like it. So you cannot expect people to do things the way you want them to do it If you ask. They said no Respect that, understand that. Because you don't know the circumstance, you don't know what's going on with with with them.

Speaker 1: 6:34

So that's one part of letting go. It's control, not controlling people, not controlling things around you, not controlling the driver beside you, not controlling your boss. You go, you ask your boss for you, um, for a day off and he says, oh, unfortunately I cannot give you that day because of so-and-so and so, and don't take that personal Like um, it's something to do with you. It's just he needs to look at the big picture. They have, like they have to look at the big picture before they actually say yes, we can approve it, we need to replace you. So and so is in the pipeline, there's other things going on. So and again, for me, if I would take that as a sign of the universe is telling me something again, this is just me, the way I I am. So let's stop controlling. Let it go. Letting of control of. We want to take over power of other people, make them do things the way we want them to do it, or expect things to be done the way we want it done.

Speaker 1: 7:41

Another way of letting go is like you're letting go of things that no longer serves you.

Speaker 1: 8:00

You're letting go of things that no longer serves you. You look back on yourself. A habit you have, something about you is certain people, the energy, and every time you're around them you feel angry, you feel disappointed, you feel like you cannot express yourself, you cannot say what you want. So for me, this is a sign of what no longer serves me. This relationship no longer serves me, friendship no longer serves me, this communication no longer serve me. It's like a one-way thing, like you can't express yourself, you cannot say what you want to say. You cannot. So it doesn't serve me. So relationships like that I've let it go um, or it doesn't have to be a relationship, it can be um, certain things you do and it no longer serve the service, serve you certain things you do and it no longer serves you. Like an old habit you have and you look at it and it's like for me to be a happier, better person. This doesn't serve me.

Speaker 1: 9:13

Getting drunk and get up with a hangover and you're miserable, you're angry, you're upset, you're mad. Like, oh, I could take two drinks and be happy, and get up tomorrow morning and be good. Why take drink more than I can, and then I get up tomorrow and I'm angry and I'm having a bad day and all this type of thing. It's just something that no longer serves you make you happy, so letting go of that. Another letting go is what does not bring you peace.

Speaker 1: 9:54

Peace to everyone means something different. For me, peace is um, no stress, in a way where, where I don't feel I have to like put extra effort into again relationship, into extra effort into anything. If I have to do the extra effort into, into, into into some, some, into something I just find no, no, this does not bring me peace. No, I I get up and and I decide to go to the gym at a certain time and I decide, for, for some reason I just human nature kicks in and I just decide not to go. Or I change a plan and I'm doing something and I say like this does not serve me, this does not serve my goal, what I want out of life, so this doesn't serve me. So I'm letting this go. And it could be many different things. It could be so many things in your life that you know what does not bring you peace and letting go of that, of what does not bring you peace.

Speaker 1: 11:14

Choose to release control. That is something hard. This is something I think a lot of us would have issue with, probably, I would say when I was younger, in my teens, I was I didn't say I was a control person, a little bit of control, and like I want things to go my way, things should go the way I have it in my head, the way I'm thinking, the way I want it to go, things should go this way. And it wasn't a relationship. I was in this relationship where I learned and I let go of that control Because that control lost me. I lost, oh, I ended a good relationship, just control. I just wanted my way, daniel way, and this is the way I wanted and this is the way it's going down and nothing matters and never consider the person, consider other people. And all of this is just part of my journey, becoming who I am today, where I could sit with you and express those things with you, and I'm sure you could look back in your life where certain things, certain places, you had to release control. Let it go, release the control, and it becomes part of me now where I'm. So if I'm alone, I control. If I'm with other people, it's okay, it's fine, it doesn't bother me what we choose, what we do. It's once we're at peace, once I'm at peace in what I'm doing, that's all. That's all. That's all.

Speaker 1: 13:34

Something another letting go is choosing to trust, choosing to trust. We all have had things in our past where the trust was broken and we're choosing never to let go of that again. Everyone that comes in our lives, circumstances whatever, we always hold on to that and say, well, someone did this to me, so I'm not trusting again, but that was this person that did what they did to you. So you cannot go on passing that, not trusting anyone or anything, and and I will trust you until you give me doubts, I will trust you till you give me doubts. I will lay up my, my, my guard until the trust is there. The trust is there because trust is earned. Trust is not given. Trust is earned. You have to earn the trust. So I'm not saying when you meet, like, just trust, but let the person earn that trust, and the more they earn it, the more you release you, more you release you, let go, you let go and you realize you're gonna have a better relationship, a better friendship with this person.

Speaker 1: 14:54

You cannot hold because some you had a bad experience in a relationship, a bad experience with family or friends or co-workers or whatever, and you just hold on to everybody. You have a relationship with a guy like a relationship. This guy hurt me, or this particular culture, this particular race did something to me, so that means everybody of that race is the same. It's like choosing to trust. It was this person who did it to you, not everybody else. So just let go and trust.

Speaker 1: 15:35

If the trust is broken, then it's broken. It's nothing to do with you. It's the person that betrayed your trust. It's not you. Once you've been honest and true to yourself, it's the person that's telling you who they are Like. If someone break a trust, they're's telling you who they are Like. If someone break a trust, they're just telling you who they are. It's time for you to walk away. It's nothing to do with you. We put on things upon ourselves that has nothing to do with us, like if someone break our trust, it's like nothing to do with us. They break it, it's they, they did it, the person did it, so you cannot blame somebody else. It's this person that just not trustworthy and that's who they are. That's what they are and you just know now how to treat them, to stay in the relationship and at arm's length or know what to say, what not to.

Speaker 1: 16:21

But I will not be in a relationship with anybody where I have to filter what I have to say. This is just me. If, if I cannot express myself, I cannot say how I feel, I don't think I want to have any kind of friendship, any kind of thing, with you. We could be co-workers, hi, hello, that's it and I'm done. We could just be acquaintances. But I will not be in a friendship with anyone, any kind of friendship relationship where I cannot express, see how I feel, because I'm choosing to trust you and if you trust what I say and if you betrayed, that's on you, not on me.

Speaker 1: 17:01

So, letting go of choosing to trust, free from the boundaries of past experience, free from the bondage, the burden of past experience, please let that go. We all this is just our past. I've said that in many episodes. Your past is a lesson to learn, to get you closer to where you need to be, or to grow, to develop. Let that go. Let it go. Let go of your past. Whoever have hurt you. Write it on a piece of paper. I forgive you. I'm sending you love. Tear it up, burn it, throw it away. If this is hard every time you get up in the morning, because if you don't release this person, you carry that burden Release them, Let them go. Whoever has hurt you sometimes the person, not even intentionally or not however, let them go. Release them so you can open up your heart for something else to come in. You're not doing it for them. You're not releasing them. You're not letting them go. You're not forgiving them for them. You're doing it for you, so you can release yourself, be happy, become a better person.

Speaker 1: 18:51

Something I told someone today. He asked me why are you always slim? Why are you so slim? And I see you eating anything. You eat a lot of like. You're always snacking, like. What do you eat? That makes you always sleep.

Speaker 1: 19:09

I say one, one thing I think. One thing I'm going to tell you is stress. If I cannot, I, I cannot fix it. I don't worry about about it. I don't take control of things, of other people's doing or actions. I don't take control of that. You, you act with me a certain way. Either I keep quiet, I let you act out your thing. Or I ask you are you okay, are you fine? And this is just me letting go.

Speaker 1: 19:36

And I told the person stress is one thing that makes me, I guess, slim, because I don't take on stress, and then that's stressing me out. I just end it Because I am first. My peace of mind matters to me. My peace of mind comes first and I'm and, and, and. People will say that I may sound selfish, but what matters at the end of the day is like I, I have peace with myself. And with that peace comes joy. And with that joy I treat. And with that joy I treat people the way that I am treated, because I'm not going to let someone take my peace, my joy from me, and when I meet someone else, I pass that on to them Because I want to be treated. I want to treat people the way that I want to be treated. So I'm treating you the way that I want to be treated, and if you're going to treat me this way, I'm going to let you go. You have to.